:: The Car Lot ::

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Once again, I am experience another sleepless night so I came back here =).

Looking back at my old posts, I can really see that times have really changed a lot.

From my very first posts I can really see the extend of the change from secondary school life to polytechnic life. Its so much more different, so much more diverse. We get a lot more freedom in Poly, and I think that's what changes the game so much. The freedom is both really satisfying and scary at the same time. Kinda like a car with more grip, where u can enter a corner with much higher speeds (that's good) but at the same time it scares a person shitless (no that's bad).

For some reason now I am actually beginning to miss my secondary school, after seeing all my juniors taking their O lvls, going to prom, graduating.... It makes me feel rather... senior... It brings back all the memories, both good and bad. I sorta want them all back. But at the same time, I want to start anew with fresh people, create a new image, and toss the old me out of the window. So far its been weird, with this little rat that is annoying the heck out of everyone and the other wannabe professor sitting in another corner thinking about molecules and trying to think of how everything works. Its not easy balancing them, as currently, the annoying rat is dropping deuces all over the professor like he isnt there. That is to change now. Being fun could be good for the 1st part of everything. But like the universe, everything gradually has to change to a new equilibrium. As values change, others will have to follow as well. BUT the equation always remains the same. Currently, its been a struggle to find that balance. Its all so new, so confusing... The human mentality is really hard to figure out, as every one is so different. To find the perfect balance is like trying to find the most condensed solid solution and to fit it into a filter medium of nanometre scaled apertures. Its just so difficult. In Sec sch, everything was simple, as I just pretty much didnt quite care about anything. It was always a lead foot on a gas pedal, just charging ahead and ignoring anything which I ran into. But its all different now. These obstacles are GIGANTIC! If I were to run into one, it will certainly crush me like a tin can. So far I've been lucky, the only ones i've ran into are just minor bumps or just barrels. But up ahead, it seems like its a dead end, and I need go of the beaten track and re-adjust myself. Right now everything about me is off balanced. I have to begin to take things more seriously, see opportunites which I had never seen before. I need more grip. More flexibility and quicker reaction times. I've always prided that intelligence is about the ability to form relations from one thing to another to form a dense network of one giant chapter of information. However, I've found out in poly that I do not have that ability. I am still a guy with a lead foot who cannot try to think out of the box and think of things differently. Intelligence is never about how much you can memorise a chapter or about how you can memorise formulas. Its always about the ability of infering what you know and from there find the answer to all your questions. That's how it is supposed to be, all great characters of history have that noble ability to form relations from one subject to another. This skill I believe is difficult to harness, I've been trying to do this for an extremely long time with a lot of effort, but it just doesnt work. I always end up relying on teachers or books or google. This is especially for mathematics, the most effective way of gauging a person's intelligence. I cannot find answers. Then again, the human mind solely learns from experiences and lessons and never had thought of something by itself. All it ever does is to see, record and store. Nothing else. If the information is needed again, the brain simply copies it all over again and reproduces it. I don't like that. There has to be a way around this. Why was it that people of the past could all do it but the average people like me cannot? What is it that I am lacking? I do not understand. Nothing really makes sense right now. The world is such a alien place now. Its all so complex. So many unknowns. How the heck is one supposed to find answers like this?

Now looking back at this paragraph, I have no idea how i got from looking at my juniors can run on and become a topic on the human mentality. Guess I was just ranting. Oh wells.

Done.

Cheuck Left The Car Lot at 3:47 AM

***